For those of you that do not know, the eventing community lost one of our own on the weekend. Ms. Philippa Humphreys. She was riding in the Jersey Fresh CCI ***, a great rider on a great horse. Leslie and I watched her through a few jumps and can only say that she and the horse both looked fabulous. Sadly, a mistake was made later on, however, and Philippa paid with the ultimate price. She left behind a baby girl and a loving husband and it has been asked that people write to her young daughter stories of her mom so that she may one day, know her mother through all of us and the memories she has left behind.
I did not know Philippa well – only as a fellow competitor and once years ago she rode in a clinic with me on a cold rainy day in Michigan where the warmest thing was her smile. Through the years every time I ran into her she wore that same smile and it was clear to all how much she loved her horses, and in recent months, how clear she loved her new daughter.
It is one of my greatest fears that if something were to happen to me, my son would never remember or realize how much his mother loved him and because of this I can comprehend the importance of these letters that have been asked of people. So although I did not know Philippa as well as others, as a fellow eventing mom of a young child, I still think I can provide something of worth for young Millie and hope you all will excuse me now if I shed any semblance of ‘professional event rider’ or ‘writer’ and instead dive strictly into the world of being a mom.
Dear Millie,
I did not know your mom very well, simply as a friendly other competitor, but I can tell you this, that every time I saw her she was a beautiful, cheerful woman who clearly loved her horses and as well, her family. What I can, however, relate to you is what it is like to be a young eventing mom and I am sure that while we are all a bit different, most of what I say is applicable to your mom as well.
Us eventing girls, us gals that compete up to the three star level in our 20s and make a living out of the sport, we were and are, tough. When we were in our 20s, babies and children where not our thing. We were going to have a life of having a string of 10 horses all going to Badminton and Burghley and going on from then to win gold medals and world championships. Having children hanging off our sides or bulging stomachs and fat on our backs, these were not things made for us. We were destined for bigger and better things, we thought. Babies and motherhood were for other women; women who had nothing better to do.
But then we met our husbands, just like your mom and your dad. And we fell in love and we found our soul mates and we had our first clue that maybe, just maybe, there was something bigger in life to this horse world. That love then lead us to think that perhaps one child wouldn’t be so bad. That perhaps we owed it to our husbands we so loved to give them something, to not be selfish for once and allow a family to happen. That surely one child we could handle no worse than lugging our dogs around to the shows and that surely it wouldn’t cramp our style too much. We were tough. We could surely handle one child.
Then you all came along, the Rileys, the Jacobs, the Emmas, the Liams, the Caidens, the Millies, and when we saw you all that first time it was like a fire went off in us that we didn’t even know was possible. And over the next few months with every first glance where you realized who we were or smiled back at us and started to acknowledge us we finally realized, there was much more to life than these horses we love so dear and the sport we are so passionate about. We realized that the sun and moon did not actually come in the form of our ribbons, but instead in every time you realized we were your moms. When we all believed that there was never anything that could match our passion for the horses we woke to realize that in fact the horses paled in comparison to you and the family you made us into.
Please understand that for us our own riding is besides being part of our jobs, it is our passion that is uniquely ours and something that we can still keep as personal apart from our lives as moms and wives and business women. It is important to us and important I think for all women to have something that is uniquely theirs and it was evident from watching your mom with her horses that she took immense joy from riding them as do we all, but please, never for one second think that that was more important than you. While it may have been the riding that took your mother away from you it was also the riding that made her the person she was, the passionate, driven, beautiful woman your father fell in love with and the woman that created you.
I am not sure what else to say. But I hope that although I could not give you personal stories specific to your mom I can give you insight into her. I really think that the majority of us eventing gals are not intrinsically made to have massive families early and that is why you and your dad are so special. I am saddened for you beyond words that you will not grow up with your mom, but hope you can take some comfort in knowing how very much your mom loved your dad and that you were born out of that love and wanted so very deeply. So many children are born out of hapless circumstances into homes with no love and no plan. This does not apply to you Millie; you were created out of love and I guarantee you were the best thing that ever happened to your mother.
My son is six now and almost every single night before bed I whisper to him and ask him if he understands that no matter what happens in life that he and his father are the most important things in the world to me and that I will never know a love greater than him. I do this because I know that working with the horses my chances are perhaps greater than others of injury and it is imperative for me that he knows above all else was my love for him. I guarantee to you your mother did, in some way, the same before she left out for that final event. You were so very loved.
When your mom died an entire community wept for her, for you and your father.
Sincerely,
Lesley Grant-Law
Click here to donate to the trust that has been established for Millie Humphreys.
